Today Is The Greatest...........Day I've Ever Known

Ok, so I believe there are many seasons in a mans life that he begins to ask questions and he allows a resounding refining if you will. He may come out with a different personality, a different meaning of life, a new calling or even different priorities. This is why they are called seasons. With the change of seasons, everything changes. The tempature, the trees, peoples attitudes, everything.
Now that I've kinda set the picture, let me gab about my new season, one I've not been in before. Let me just tell you all that I have become the kind of christian that I dislike. I know this because the Lord gave me a glimpse of who I really am. Let me say that the hearts intent is definitly deceiving and wicked. In all of the ministry and things that I have wrapped myself around in the name of Jesus, has actually been in the name of self. Now this is not really a bad conclusion to come up with about myself and I pray and hope it happens as often as I let "self" get in. I am in a transitional period of my life where my faith and belief is being tested and created. I'm glad this is happening at the age of 28 and not when I'm 40. Please know I have asked for this time and time again. If I was perfectly happy I would almost have to ask myself if I were making any kind of impact for the Kingdom of God.
Anyway, I realize that I have believed things because someone said I should instead of believing because I know it's true. So now God seems to be separating the wheat from the chaff in my life and giving me truth by truth for a more solid foundation. Lord I welcome this rearranging in my life and I think it is so awesome once again that You have poured out Your grace and You love me so much. I know You would never let me remain unchanged.
Well I'm gonna go now, I hope all ya'lls walk is is fruitful and blessed. Remember, push on, fight, love, ask questions and always test everything by the word of God.

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Help With My Song

Ok, a couple of posts back I talked about a song I was writing and that maybe I need help with another verse and or bridge. Please don't be offended if I don't use your verse because there are certain things that it must have, for example, it has to fit with the chord progression, any way here's what I got.

Verse:

You, don't have to explain, this love comes with pain, that I am willing to endure.
Sometimes, it's hard to comprehend, how a lover and a friend, can also be my cure.

Pre-Chorus:

But You know that I trust You, and You know right where I stand.
And in the valley I will wait for You, my Lord, my Friend.

Chorus:

Jesus, You're all that I have in this life
Jesus, You've made me Your beautiful wife.
And I accept the invitation, to the suffering.
It's where my heart, and Yours, collide.

Ok the rest is up to you. Try to keep the same flow if you can and remember, writing is all about experience. So don't try to write about something you haven't been through. If these words stick out to you then pray and ask God to give you the words to articulate His heart and yours. People write songs all the time together so this won't be a first. But it is a way for us to communicate and come together. And we don't even have to be in the same room.

Ramble On Part 2

Medicine is weird. Anyway, just a simple ramble here. I'm in the prayer room and I'm about to brief with my worship team about tonight. We are singing from The Song of Solomon. That is such an awesome book. It really does paint such a wonderful picture. Have any of us truly been this love sick. I thought I might have. But after reading and letting this book drench me I realized a few things.

1. Love is not what I think it is
2. I've never been love sick (for real)
3. My love is immature
4. I am my Beloveds and He is mine

That's just a taste of what I have learned. It may not seem like deep revelation but when you can honestly say these types of things about yourself, it kinda releases you from the responsibility of being someone your not. And that my friends is freedom. More from Song of Solomon later. I gotta go brief.

One more thing, Erin...I love you

What A Struggle..Uh.... Worship Was...........Nice

Worship can be an exhilarating experience., filled with all kinds of emotions ranging from joy to sorrow. I think it is a common misconception by the church that it is the worship leaders job to "make" the people worship. It is a misconception that if worship wasn't spirit filled or on fire than the worship leader didn't lead. As a worship leader I have come to the knowledge of, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Nor can you provide someone with the kind of faith it takes to engage in worship. Another thing I have noticed is that the presence of the Lord is always there. Why He decides to allow us to feel Him sometimes and not to feel Him is a mystery. All this to say that leading worship today was a struggle, and most of the time it reflects me. I felt I was engaged sometimes but for the most part was concerned for the lack enthusiasm from the congregation.

My thought and advise for people who go to church and expect to be entertained. Sorry, that's not how I lead. I expect that you come ready to worship. Especially if it's the only time you do. Let's get real folks, my job is to not lead you into worship, it is to provide you with a atmosphere to express your joy and sorrows to the Father all while maintaining a reverent heart before the Lord because of His greatness and majesty. So you see, the worship part is up to you. Kill the facade when you come to worship, if not, I can't lead you. Only a willing heart can be truly lead. And in being translucent, there are sometimes that the whole worship team is not in unity which causes struggle amongst the whole group and congregation. It is so important for the team to be in unity.

"Have a couple of dry meetings and see who sticks around. Then you'll know who's there for the music or to worship" - Don Potter

Update...If You Want To Call It That

Well Doc thinks I may have Sarcoidosis. Sarcoidosis is a multisystemic disorder of unknown etiology that most commonly affects adults between 20 and 40 years of age. Or if this makes sense, sar·coid·o·sis ( P ) (sarkoi-dosis)
n. pl. sar·coid·o·ses (-sz)- A disease of unknown origin characterized by the formation of granulomatous lesions that appear especially in the liver, lungs, skin, and lymph nodes. Also called sarcoid.
Well anyway, Monday I have to go to Elkhart General Hospital for a breathing test and analysis @ 7:45 am. Then comes the meeting with the surgeon to schedule the time for the surgery so we can get a biopsy on my lung tissue and lymph nodes.

Gal 2:20 Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

My Day

cough*****cough*****cough*****COUGH*****COUGH*****COUGH

Song Plotting

Well in a recent post I said I would post some of the song lyrics I have written in the past. I enjoy how a song can bring a different feeling when you read the lyrics as a poem. There is no melody nor chords to deter you from the raw meaning of the words. However there is a plus side in using music to portray the emotion of the words. Anyway here are the lyrics to a song I wrote in 2002 called:

"Strangely I Find"

I've been pushed down, face in the ground, runnin around but it's all in my head
No matter how hard it gets it seems I'll get back on my feet again.
I know You know that it hurts sometimes. A reality I just cannot hide.
With so many ups and downs, to stuff it away it doesn't seem right.

Strangely I find, that it all works for the better.
Strangely I find, it's a test to make me stronger.
Strangely I find, there's a love that takes me higher.
Than I've ever been and I'm telling you it's real

Broken, once again, looking for a friend I am in need.
When freedom comes I won't just stand there, cause when I'm free He says I am free indeed
I keep telling myself I should press in and never walk away.
If your like me when you gave your life to the King then you are here to stay.

Strangely I find, that it all works for the better.
Strangely I find, it's a test to make me stronger.
Strangely I find, there's a love that takes me higher.
Than I've ever been and I'm telling you it's real

Well that's it for that song. This is a way to really get inside my head. You see writing for me has to be real, in an emotional sense. Writing a corporate worship song is totally different than writing, say a, reflective song. Sometimes the Lord will release a corporate worship song and sometimes you write a song completely to Him and vice versa. Not all songs are corporate worship songs. Some songs are to be enjoyed by a listener who can specifically relate to what the writer is saying about life. You see I only write what I know, as do other writers. Write now I have writers block. Next I will post a song that is half way done and I will take suggestions from my lovely readers. If I pick your lyrics, you get the credit. I know big whoop. It could be fun. Love you guys.

Useless Plea

Sometimes I like to take creative pictures when I have access to a good camera. Lord, I would like to have a digital camera to document my life and to take pictures of my kids and friends.


My Wife and my artistic side

Trippy

Here's an interesting picture of my family. It's cool how you can see Erin and I in the kids when we're all one face.


My Family

Wandering Thoughts

Well, I apologize to those who planned on seeing me at the Lighthouse last night. Everyone I talked to said don't worry about it and people will get over it but I still have this thing in me that doesn't want to let anybody down. Just to let everyone know that I woke up on Friday and I couldn't breathe without coughing so that tells you how much I was coughing yesterday. And I was running about a 101 fever (which has been normal lately). So I go to my doctors appointment where they are supposed to give me the results of my blood work and hopefully get some answers on why the lymph nodes in my lungs are swollen. The doctor says "Well, I have no idea what's going on, so I'm gonna send you to a specialist". So now I'm scheduled to go and see a pulmonary specialist in June. I'm gonna reschedule at the Lighthouse soon, it was so weird because I did my H&B team on Thursday and I felt fine. Then I woke up Friday and Kaplooie. What God is doing is a mystery, I am taking it as it comes. I'm still seeking His purpose, I still want my flesh to die(it's happening). Quite a few months ago the Lord gave me an invitation to suffering. In my zeal I accepted. At first I went through an emotional suffering that I came through on the other side a better man with my weaknesses exposed. Now there is a physical suffering I am enduring. It is God's gift to reinforce my faith.

Phi 1:29 There's far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There's also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.

Luk 6:25 And it's trouble ahead if you're satisfied with yourself. Your self will not satisfy you for long. And it's trouble ahead if you think life's all fun and games. There's suffering to be met, and you're going to meet it.

Memorandum

I've decided to not cancel playing the Lighthouse. At first I was nervous because hopefully I'll get my results back that Friday and I don't know what to expect. And then I figured, you know what, I never know what to expect. All I know is that I feel better and I haven't played in a setting like this for a long time and I always enjoy it. I'm gonna have some friends join me for some songs and my wife will me joining me for others. The Lord has tested my faith in all of this and in realizing my faith is not to the extent of where I want it or where it should be, Jesus never fails to nudge me, show me my weakness, then love me beyond my control. You see, faith is all we have. Our very salvation is based on faith and in believing Jesus is who He says He is. I want confidence in knowing that if I ever lose my hands that I could still worship Jesus not for what He has done, but because of who He is.


The Lighthouse May 27th @ 8:00pm

I Heard It Said

Take a deep long breath and realize how utterly insane it is that your still alive right now.

I Will Wait

So I went to my appointment today and the doctor was very impersonal and he said to me that the swelling of the lymph nodes in my lungs can be various things. So he decided to get some blood work done and had me take a T.B. test. So I go back Monday for the results of the T.B. test and I go back Friday for the results of the blood stuff. I will say this to everyone. If you ever get sick don't get on the internet to investigate your symptoms because everything leads to the worst. I need prayer guys. I want to trust and I don't want my faith to buckle. I understand that God is sovereign. Whatever wilderness this is.....................I want His purpose accomplished very soon.

Psa 119:153 Take a good look at my trouble, and help me-- I haven't forgotten your revelation.

The Blues

So I've been totally sick for the past 2 weeks and I keep asking God "why, why, why". The last thing I heard the Lord say in the midst of a fit of coughing and holding my side in pain was "Do you trust Me". Without hesitating I was like "YES". This resounding yes was instantly in my heart. Now I am waiting on the results of a C.T. scan in which doctors will tell me what's wrong with my lungs. I will find out on Friday. Ultimately, and the way my personality is I always figure the worst is gonna happen, so this whole ordeal has shaken me a bit. But I do trust Him. I can say that without a doubt. I have know idea the sovereign plans of God. But I want to be in His will. The doctors still don't know what's wrong with my ankles (they are swollen and bruised for apparently no reason). It is hard to walk but the Ibuprofren helps. I'm so sick of taking pills everyday, it's making me feel weird. Well I'm gonna go now, See ya'll later.

I'm Ready To Be Born Again.......Again

I am falling in love with Jesus. Literally. I can say that loving Him has always been an alternate reality of some kind. It was until I found that Jesus was the reality, that it was so difficult. I have never known this kind of love. A love that exists with a stranger, One that I cannot see or touch. My love exists only by faith. A faith that says He is Who He says He is. The more I read His words the more infatuated I am in Him. I want to quiet my soul being submissive to Him. I want to forget about all of the hype and be free to love. Oh God You are changing me and I do not know who I was before. Sometimes I run across songs that I wrote along time ago. At the time they may not have made much sense. But God is timely. Here's an excerpt from "You are the One" that I wrote probably in 2001 sometime. "Lord take this old man with his habits. For I long to live in Your light. If You would give me the strength I would grab it, and I would hold on tight". This has been my life for the past two months. There are many lyrics. Maybe I'll post a whole song one day. Anyway this my Psalm for the month.

Psa 131:1 Jehovah, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty; Neither do I exercise myself in great matters, Or in things too wonderful for me.
Psa 131:2 Surely I have stilled and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child with his mother, Like a weaned child is my soul within me.
Psa 131:3 O Israel, hope in Jehovah From this time forth and for evermore.

(Message Version)

Psa 131:1 GOD, I'm not trying to rule the roost, I don't want to be king of the mountain. I haven't meddled where I have no business or fantasized grandiose plans.
Psa 131:2 I've kept my feet on the ground, I've cultivated a quiet heart. Like a baby content in its mother's arms, my soul is a baby content.
Psa 131:3 Wait, Israel, for GOD. Wait with hope. Hope now; hope always!

O Foolish Men

So I'm reading Luke 24 and I come upon the part that talks about how there were two guys on the road to Emmaus. They're talking about all the things that had happened and out of nowhere, Jesus begins traveling with them. The word says that their eyes were prevented from recognizing Him. Then Jesus asks them what they were talking about and they start telling Him all the hope they had in this man Jesus and then how He was delivered to the sentence of death and they were hoping He would redeem Israel. Then they talked about the others not being able to find His body and just how confused they were. After this Jesus calls them fools and slow of heart. Then He explained the things concerning Himself in all the Scriptures. Anyway my point is that these guys had a dream. A dream of deliverance and hope that Jesus would redeem all of Israel and they really thought they knew what it looked like. Jesus was right in front of them and they couldn't see Him. What prevented them from seeing Him. I believe it was there dream. How many of us let our dream blur our vision when Jesus is right in front of us. Even when we think the dream is of God. Sometimes it prevents us from seeing Jesus


Luke 24 that's right....the whole chapter

Elephant Talk

There is much peace in the prayer room today. Jesus is really giving me peace. I'm finding myself not getting excited about talk anymore. People talk so much and others get excited and people say things and others jump up and down. IT'S ALL TALK. Nothing more than talk. Give me something real, something that will last. The more I read the Gospels the more I see Jesus' heart for people. Jesus wasn't about building ministry He was about people. And He wasn't about making people comfortable (Matt 8:19-20) but in getting them to understand the kingdom. How can I be more like this man? I will gladly give up my world for His.

Ramble On

I am so very tired as I write. Why do I blog? I am still not very transparent because of who reads this stuff. I need to write in my journal more. It's a really cool, leather bound, ancient looking thing I got for Christmas....Anyway. People my heart is so heavy and grieving that my outward appearence and my physical health has declined drastically. I am not so conscerned about the outward part (and I do mean my countenance)because I know I am not the man I was 2 months ago. And let me assure you I am not depressed, in a worldly sense. I liken my spirit to a widow grieving for her Husband. I had a vision tonight on my way home. I want to say it was a vision but for absolutes sake, I won't. Nevertheless it was very strong and very intense. I'm not gonna talk about it but I will write it down elsewhere, with a date. I need to do this more. Write down and date my things. Any way I keep going back and forth from blogging and reading my word. It is time to give my full attention to the word, bye now.

P.S. Read Hosea 11 it is good stuff (we are from the west) and as always the gospels

Now That's Bloggable

Eric - "You know I understand the importance of being here for the meetings"

Josh - "Me to"

Eric - "But it's like this, God's not gonna put a little check mark in His book because someone misses a meeting"

Josh - "Yeah"

Eric - "You know what, He's not gonna put a little smiley face in His book if you show up either"

Josh - "Now that's bloggable"

Live @ The Lighthouse May 27th @ 8pm

Finally I will be playing at the Lighthouse in Mishawaka. I'm excited to try some new stuff there. It is a really cool place and hopefully people will have a lot of fun. The coffee house scene can be a struggle sometimes because you want people to connect with what your doing but often they tend to talk loudly in the background and play chess and stuff. Oh well, this time I'll have headphones.

p.s. I will most likely repeat this post as the 27th nears

This is the picture Dave Carey took for my flyer