Weel I suppose now that I will write about the deslolation that has infultrated my mind and spirit. Through all that has happened in 4 months ie. surgery, Emma born, vascetomy, no job within sight (jobs come here and there but not in longevity). Needless to say I have had alternate things try to comsume my life. The hide and seek game is over for now. I tired of looking. In seeing this I understand that a pursuit is nescesary. I feel that somehow I have lost the key to my fathers heart. I used to feel like I could unlock it and at any time. And in the times when I couldn't. It was my "wilderness". See what I have noticed is the "The Wilderness" periods are far and few in between, when the only anwser is to physically lean upon the cross of Jesus. Other times we are lost in "The Woods" if you will and we happen to run acrossed revelation here and there. You see the woods are not desolate. You have your friends, family, Spouse, disteraction, a so called prophetic word and even a plan, also a whole lotta God told mees. The wilderness seems to be a desolate place to make your abode. It's uncomfortable, a place without advice, a place of fear of the unknown. Barren of friends and friends ideas. Absolutly no finances. You are left with you and what you think that the voice of God sounds like. You start to question "Do I know what His voice sounds like, or is it my voice" Does God always tell you good things? Does God think everything is peachy. You ask things like "Am I a Christian in compared to what I think a good Christian would look like" "Then why can't I love with purity" "Why can I not kill my motive" The only thing left to do is four things:
Pray
Be Silent
Listen
Write
In that order.
If anyone knows of a job that could suit me, please let me know, I need it:)
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2 comments:
yeah man... those "God told me's..."
how many times i have asked that question... do i really know what the voice of God sounds like? i mean really know - the kind of knowing that will make you jump up and sell everything and go out on a ridiculous limb because you
**KNOW** that it is unquestionably His voice. like when you hear erin's voice, there's no questioning who it is for you - you are her husband and know her voice intimately. and i guess that's what i seek - the intimacy with GOD that brings that kind of knowledge ... unmistakable. the other thing i ask for is the ability to obey instantly without arguing. when i hear His voice, just trust it and do it. don't try to rationalize and justify my own comforts and worries, simply trust and do. and i think that comes from those wilderness times of searching and waiting and listening... at least i hope so!
another thing is that all the opinions that you will get won't matter much to you unless you are hearing His voice. cuz ultimately thsat's what you are searching for anyway. so i hope that you are able to truly hear Him and find the path that you are to walk... it's no secret that you are called to a life of passionate worship - it's part of who you are - your essence... your being. but how to actually live that out... i'll let you hand that one!
i don't know what kind of job is suited to your talents and abilities, but if i hear of anything interesting, i will let you know. sorry for the rambling comment.
yeah my spelling there could use some work....
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