Useless Plea

Sometimes I like to take creative pictures when I have access to a good camera. Lord, I would like to have a digital camera to document my life and to take pictures of my kids and friends.


My Wife and my artistic side

Trippy

Here's an interesting picture of my family. It's cool how you can see Erin and I in the kids when we're all one face.


My Family

Wandering Thoughts

Well, I apologize to those who planned on seeing me at the Lighthouse last night. Everyone I talked to said don't worry about it and people will get over it but I still have this thing in me that doesn't want to let anybody down. Just to let everyone know that I woke up on Friday and I couldn't breathe without coughing so that tells you how much I was coughing yesterday. And I was running about a 101 fever (which has been normal lately). So I go to my doctors appointment where they are supposed to give me the results of my blood work and hopefully get some answers on why the lymph nodes in my lungs are swollen. The doctor says "Well, I have no idea what's going on, so I'm gonna send you to a specialist". So now I'm scheduled to go and see a pulmonary specialist in June. I'm gonna reschedule at the Lighthouse soon, it was so weird because I did my H&B team on Thursday and I felt fine. Then I woke up Friday and Kaplooie. What God is doing is a mystery, I am taking it as it comes. I'm still seeking His purpose, I still want my flesh to die(it's happening). Quite a few months ago the Lord gave me an invitation to suffering. In my zeal I accepted. At first I went through an emotional suffering that I came through on the other side a better man with my weaknesses exposed. Now there is a physical suffering I am enduring. It is God's gift to reinforce my faith.

Phi 1:29 There's far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There's also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.

Luk 6:25 And it's trouble ahead if you're satisfied with yourself. Your self will not satisfy you for long. And it's trouble ahead if you think life's all fun and games. There's suffering to be met, and you're going to meet it.

Memorandum

I've decided to not cancel playing the Lighthouse. At first I was nervous because hopefully I'll get my results back that Friday and I don't know what to expect. And then I figured, you know what, I never know what to expect. All I know is that I feel better and I haven't played in a setting like this for a long time and I always enjoy it. I'm gonna have some friends join me for some songs and my wife will me joining me for others. The Lord has tested my faith in all of this and in realizing my faith is not to the extent of where I want it or where it should be, Jesus never fails to nudge me, show me my weakness, then love me beyond my control. You see, faith is all we have. Our very salvation is based on faith and in believing Jesus is who He says He is. I want confidence in knowing that if I ever lose my hands that I could still worship Jesus not for what He has done, but because of who He is.


The Lighthouse May 27th @ 8:00pm

I Heard It Said

Take a deep long breath and realize how utterly insane it is that your still alive right now.

I Will Wait

So I went to my appointment today and the doctor was very impersonal and he said to me that the swelling of the lymph nodes in my lungs can be various things. So he decided to get some blood work done and had me take a T.B. test. So I go back Monday for the results of the T.B. test and I go back Friday for the results of the blood stuff. I will say this to everyone. If you ever get sick don't get on the internet to investigate your symptoms because everything leads to the worst. I need prayer guys. I want to trust and I don't want my faith to buckle. I understand that God is sovereign. Whatever wilderness this is.....................I want His purpose accomplished very soon.

Psa 119:153 Take a good look at my trouble, and help me-- I haven't forgotten your revelation.

The Blues

So I've been totally sick for the past 2 weeks and I keep asking God "why, why, why". The last thing I heard the Lord say in the midst of a fit of coughing and holding my side in pain was "Do you trust Me". Without hesitating I was like "YES". This resounding yes was instantly in my heart. Now I am waiting on the results of a C.T. scan in which doctors will tell me what's wrong with my lungs. I will find out on Friday. Ultimately, and the way my personality is I always figure the worst is gonna happen, so this whole ordeal has shaken me a bit. But I do trust Him. I can say that without a doubt. I have know idea the sovereign plans of God. But I want to be in His will. The doctors still don't know what's wrong with my ankles (they are swollen and bruised for apparently no reason). It is hard to walk but the Ibuprofren helps. I'm so sick of taking pills everyday, it's making me feel weird. Well I'm gonna go now, See ya'll later.

I'm Ready To Be Born Again.......Again

I am falling in love with Jesus. Literally. I can say that loving Him has always been an alternate reality of some kind. It was until I found that Jesus was the reality, that it was so difficult. I have never known this kind of love. A love that exists with a stranger, One that I cannot see or touch. My love exists only by faith. A faith that says He is Who He says He is. The more I read His words the more infatuated I am in Him. I want to quiet my soul being submissive to Him. I want to forget about all of the hype and be free to love. Oh God You are changing me and I do not know who I was before. Sometimes I run across songs that I wrote along time ago. At the time they may not have made much sense. But God is timely. Here's an excerpt from "You are the One" that I wrote probably in 2001 sometime. "Lord take this old man with his habits. For I long to live in Your light. If You would give me the strength I would grab it, and I would hold on tight". This has been my life for the past two months. There are many lyrics. Maybe I'll post a whole song one day. Anyway this my Psalm for the month.

Psa 131:1 Jehovah, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty; Neither do I exercise myself in great matters, Or in things too wonderful for me.
Psa 131:2 Surely I have stilled and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child with his mother, Like a weaned child is my soul within me.
Psa 131:3 O Israel, hope in Jehovah From this time forth and for evermore.

(Message Version)

Psa 131:1 GOD, I'm not trying to rule the roost, I don't want to be king of the mountain. I haven't meddled where I have no business or fantasized grandiose plans.
Psa 131:2 I've kept my feet on the ground, I've cultivated a quiet heart. Like a baby content in its mother's arms, my soul is a baby content.
Psa 131:3 Wait, Israel, for GOD. Wait with hope. Hope now; hope always!

O Foolish Men

So I'm reading Luke 24 and I come upon the part that talks about how there were two guys on the road to Emmaus. They're talking about all the things that had happened and out of nowhere, Jesus begins traveling with them. The word says that their eyes were prevented from recognizing Him. Then Jesus asks them what they were talking about and they start telling Him all the hope they had in this man Jesus and then how He was delivered to the sentence of death and they were hoping He would redeem Israel. Then they talked about the others not being able to find His body and just how confused they were. After this Jesus calls them fools and slow of heart. Then He explained the things concerning Himself in all the Scriptures. Anyway my point is that these guys had a dream. A dream of deliverance and hope that Jesus would redeem all of Israel and they really thought they knew what it looked like. Jesus was right in front of them and they couldn't see Him. What prevented them from seeing Him. I believe it was there dream. How many of us let our dream blur our vision when Jesus is right in front of us. Even when we think the dream is of God. Sometimes it prevents us from seeing Jesus


Luke 24 that's right....the whole chapter

Elephant Talk

There is much peace in the prayer room today. Jesus is really giving me peace. I'm finding myself not getting excited about talk anymore. People talk so much and others get excited and people say things and others jump up and down. IT'S ALL TALK. Nothing more than talk. Give me something real, something that will last. The more I read the Gospels the more I see Jesus' heart for people. Jesus wasn't about building ministry He was about people. And He wasn't about making people comfortable (Matt 8:19-20) but in getting them to understand the kingdom. How can I be more like this man? I will gladly give up my world for His.

Ramble On

I am so very tired as I write. Why do I blog? I am still not very transparent because of who reads this stuff. I need to write in my journal more. It's a really cool, leather bound, ancient looking thing I got for Christmas....Anyway. People my heart is so heavy and grieving that my outward appearence and my physical health has declined drastically. I am not so conscerned about the outward part (and I do mean my countenance)because I know I am not the man I was 2 months ago. And let me assure you I am not depressed, in a worldly sense. I liken my spirit to a widow grieving for her Husband. I had a vision tonight on my way home. I want to say it was a vision but for absolutes sake, I won't. Nevertheless it was very strong and very intense. I'm not gonna talk about it but I will write it down elsewhere, with a date. I need to do this more. Write down and date my things. Any way I keep going back and forth from blogging and reading my word. It is time to give my full attention to the word, bye now.

P.S. Read Hosea 11 it is good stuff (we are from the west) and as always the gospels

Now That's Bloggable

Eric - "You know I understand the importance of being here for the meetings"

Josh - "Me to"

Eric - "But it's like this, God's not gonna put a little check mark in His book because someone misses a meeting"

Josh - "Yeah"

Eric - "You know what, He's not gonna put a little smiley face in His book if you show up either"

Josh - "Now that's bloggable"

Live @ The Lighthouse May 27th @ 8pm

Finally I will be playing at the Lighthouse in Mishawaka. I'm excited to try some new stuff there. It is a really cool place and hopefully people will have a lot of fun. The coffee house scene can be a struggle sometimes because you want people to connect with what your doing but often they tend to talk loudly in the background and play chess and stuff. Oh well, this time I'll have headphones.

p.s. I will most likely repeat this post as the 27th nears

This is the picture Dave Carey took for my flyer