Lots going on these days I guess. I was just confronted on my back porch with the thoughts of my greatest fear. Or more so "what is my greatest fear?" And I have decided that when I am confronted with the thoughts of death is when I am most afraid. It's not really the actual dieing that scares me. But it is the cause of me potentially missing out on living on this earth watching my kids grow, loving on my wife and enjoying those spontaneous moments of laughter with friends. The hardships in our lives cannot replace an instant of genuine laughter. In reality my health has not been to good. I was just recently told that I have diabetes. I'm not sure what type yet but my blood sugar is really high. When I first went in it was like 570 something but I have been able to maintain at about 250 or so. which is still high by normal standards. But with this also comes the thoughts of other serious things happening due to the diabetes. Anyway, I am ashamed that it has taken something like this to slap me awake to learn how to take care of myself. Like eating right, maintaining ideal body weight and making good choices. I always say to my kids before they go outside to play. I say "make good choices". Through all of this I am also confronted with faith and as I would like to say that I would never waiver I find there is a shifting sometimes in my faith. I want strong faith. But I waiver. This is probably one of the truest statements I could say about myself. Through thinking this out I thought "I'm sure that one of the greatest human fears is death" To the world it seems so final. The fear is, never being able to think thoughts or see anything anymore or talking with someone else. You know, darkness. Then I thought, If the greatest fear of man is death, Then the message of eternal life would be the greatest hope a man could have. This is where faith steps in. We are saved by grace through faith so at some time in our lives we believed only by faith that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. We believed there was a God in the first place. So why does our faith waiver through time and circumstance. Yes we are saved by grace but we have to believe we are. Just as this is true I want to believe that I will be healed or more so am healed according to the will of God. So through it all I have hope. Hope that I can have the will power to change my life and diet. That when I am weak, I can rely on God to strengthen me because it is easier to give in. I definitely need a influx of self control. Well I looked away for a moment and lost my train of thought. Bye all. The upside is I've already lost about 20 pounds. I need to lose about 30 more (yikes)
3 comments:
an influx of self control... yeah, i think that's something each of us can use. i'll be praying for you friend - for consistency, healthy choice making and steadiness of faith. God is good and faithful - a constant in the midst of change. oh yeah, and even though this was a more serious entry, your picture really cracked me up man.
Hey Sweet Baby Boy~
Willpower to change your life and diet?
Mama believes it has more to do with willingness.
I prayed for so long for you just to do God's will (He already knew I wanted you safe and protected).
I will never forget the day you told me (which was in the car), you said "Ma, I just want to do God's will!"
And I said to you, "You see, God does answer Mother's prayers."
So you see hun.. it's not about willpower anymore.. it's about willingness,
willingness to change your life and diet. You have the willingness to do God's will.
I love you sooo much!Going along with this diet with you is good for me too!
I lost 7 pounds!
MA
Congrats on the 20 pounds!!! 30 will feel like nothing! :-D So... I wanna come over sometime and hang out with you and Erin. I miss you guys a lot! So... there you have it... I"m inviting myself over! :-D
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