My Rant

I was just thinking about this time that a lady came up to me and said this "I remember when you first started coming here and I was like, who is this guy, because you were dressed all strange and I just think you look much better now". This comment the anonnomous lady made would have been great other than the fact that she just started coming to the church three years ago and I have been here for eight. This made me think about people and the church in general. When this lady said what she said I was instantly hurt. Not because she said I dressed strange but because she really thought I had just started coming here. I was thinking to myself, I have been on this worship team for seven or more years and you never noticed I was there when you first started coming. This just gets to the deeper issue inside of me that says "You don't have a voice at voice" My voice consists of picking songs for worship. I am sick with church and it's programs and it's meetings and it's government. I don't really even want to lead corporate worship anymore or lead any teams. I just want to write music to my lover. I would rather leave the legistics to someone else. There is still something there that wants to be accepted as a man of God from my leadership. maybe one day I'll figure out what that is. Until then I'm just gonna stay silent. The way it should be. In the words of Jason Upton "Cause I’d rather stand here speechless, With no great words to say, If my silence is more truthful, And my ears can hear how to walk in your way"